M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
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while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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