HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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