Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
