Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
