I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
