you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
