Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
