my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
