Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize