Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize