Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
