He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
