This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
