you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
