I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
