How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
