Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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