my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
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