i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
