I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
