i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
