You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
