I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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