i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
