Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
