Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
