one might say we're banned from that church
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
