How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize