just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
