finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
