Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
