Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
