I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
