"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
