i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
