Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
