you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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