Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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