Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
