oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
