I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
