i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
