Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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