He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
