My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
