You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
