SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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