I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
