I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
