a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
