I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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