Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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