I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
