it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
