it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
