May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
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Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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