Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
