You really coming over, don't trick.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
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she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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