Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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