They should really pass out barf bags in church
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
